It has been a while since I have posted consistently on my blog. Not to make excuses, but… I’m about to make some excuses 😉 I have been quite busy the past few months. Since returning from the Mayo Clinic, I have been attending doctors appointments 3-5 days a week. I have also been pursuing my LTD case, as well as pursuing multiple insurance claims- the battles never end! I have also been dealing with additional pain due to a knee injury that occurred when my klutzy ass fell in the shower. I have received treatment for it, but surprise-surprise, the MRI is totally normal and they cannot find the cause of my pain.
A Slip Backwards
I also had what I would call a slip back into depression. I am doing better now, but for a while I was feeling apathetic and incredibly frustrated. I was attending physical therapy for my pelvic floor once a week, which entails a two hour round-trip commute, I had a second abdominal trigger point injection that yielded no relief, and I was working with two therapists trying to manage all of the fallout. I got to the point where I realized I was sick of being told what I should and should not do:
I should work out. I shouldn’t push too hard. I should do a HIIT workout. I shouldn’t nap. I should give my body what it needs. I shouldn’t eat gluten, dairy, or sugar. I should wait for a formal diagnosis before changing my diet. I should find a job. I should wait until I’m more functional before looking for work… It goes on and on.
Finding a Middle Ground
I had been doing my best trying to wake up at a decent time everyday, trying not to nap, trying to stay out of bed in the day, trying to eat clean, trying to look for volunteer work in the area. I threw a bit of a fit because all the medical professionals in my life were doing was telling me to add, add, add. None of it was helping, and none of what they were doing for me treatment wise was minimizing my pain. After some negotiation with my therapist, I started to realize that there is probably a middle ground somewhere, and that I do need to add if I’m going to lead a more functional life. That’s what I am trying to do now. I have attended orientation to volunteer at a local animal shelter, I am pursuing a diagnosis with a geneticist while eliminating treatments that don’t work for me (pelvic floor physical therapy), and I am trying to listen to and work with my body to aim for a more functional life.
These past few months have been hard, but I have had some appointments these past few weeks that have provided some interesting information. I also have an appointment with a geneticist in the next few weeks, and I am confident that I’m close to a diagnosis that could explain my myriad of symptoms. For a refresher, that includes joint pain and injuries, chronic migraines and chronic daily headache, pelvic pain, a heart condition, nausea, acid-reflux, and the list goes on. I am confident that I am finally starting to build a medical team that is both listening to, and working with me. I know that there is likely no cure for what ails me, but finding a diagnosis would be a huge weight off my shoulder, and would hopefully open up some new treatment options.
Do you experience slips every now and then when things get tough? What helps pull you out of a depression? I would love to hear what helps you guys out during the darker days.
Today I will leave you with some pics of my little angel in his ESA vest and collar. For Valentine’s Day my boyfriend registered my cat as an Emotional Support Animal! *cries*